My first website

I am now going to post on http://suvine.com/

Cool. I got a basic blog up. When I learn how to do websites I can make it nice. Next week I take a computer literacy course and then after than we will see.

What are you doing the rest of your life?

I went to Fruit and Spice park with Horse. I forgot to charge my camera so I have no photos. I lost my identity as a photographer that day. I felt really bad because well, we were in Florida wild.

We saw Papaya fields with full fruit. I bought two the size of a cat. Right off the trees. 2 dollars each by a Mexican under a tent.

We saw brush fire that was flaming and drawing black smoke. It was bursting enormous flames in the woods while refugee farmers picked tomatoes watching,their hands all black.

We saw really dark southern African-Americans selling BBQ at the side of roads.

At the Fruit and Spice Park we ate:
 Black Sapote, which I never had and loved It was black like oil paste. I loved it. I wanted to eat it all. We had Eggfruit, Gambrodge, Myriara Vexator, Kei Apple, Ceylon gooseberry.

ALot of fruit is not in season yet I will come back in summer with a camera and take photos of everything.

We saw a candle tree and I chewed the candle shaped fruit. It is like sugarcane celery but fibrous.

We saw Elephant fruit ( the drink Amarulo is made from). Gingerbread fruit which is famine fruit in Africa that looks like black roots hanging from tree. Fried Egg tree, the fruit is used in medicine. Cashew trees we saw that were not in season. I have eaten cashew apples before. We saw the Sausage tree fruit, popular beer flavoring. Horseradish tree that OIL of BEN is made from, a watch lubricant. Bale fruit which is made into ice creams and puddings. We saw a Rolinea, a spiky fruit related to Cherimoya. They were hard. They havd 65 varieties of avocados but it is not in season yet. Also 150 varieties of Mangos. They have a yearly mango festival and everybody eats them off the trees. Mangos are prolific. We saw Weird fruit, Scrupine fruit. A Macadamia tree. the rambutans and Mangosteens not fruiting yet. We saw unripe breadfruit.

We ate raspberries off vines. Then I saw this gourd like thing and Horse said its a loofah. I did not believe him but he opened it up and it really was a loofah, like you get in the supermarket for your shower. They are plants!

Longans were not fruiting. We did see Jakfruits, Guinea Chestnuts, Sapotes of all kinds, Guanabanas ” SOURSOP”, Gac fruit, Casterbean, Mystery fruit, and some poisonous trees like Oleander, Acee and Caster bean which the poison ricin comes from, also castor oil. We saw fig trees, loquats, eggplants, guavas, water hibiscuses, fenouil. I ate some Stevia leaves, mmm. I also sniffed allspice leaves.

We had bananas. I pigged out. They were baby soft and puddingy. The original bananas we saw too. Like before man messed with them. How to tell them apart is the flower, instead of hanging down, points right up into the sky.
I bought this book, nice photo huh, I want to photograph stuff like that!

The spiky thing with seeds in his hands is Lipstick tree, achiote, annato. This guy took some off the tree and rubbed his palms with it and it was stained red. Those tomatoes, wild everglades tomatoes we were pigging out on. They were cooked by the sun and warm and sweet.

He took me to “Robert is Here” which is fruitarian HEAVEN. No place like this on earth. I bought purple passionfruits, which Robert himself cut open and let me taste, then I bought a billion. We had sugar cane juice squeezed. Robert also washed and cut me a sapodilla that was ripe. I bought half a Mamey and a big one. I bought GIANT HAAS avocados. Tamarinds, Soft dates from California, and CANISTELS, mmm I got some. I got some Kirby Cucumbers to feed my baby pets. We tried all different honeys. This fruit stand is so popular they even have a singer doing Led Zeppelin songs.

We then went to the Keys. It was so nice. I love going there. It feels like we are leaving the world and escaping. Driving by Key Largo , islands going by and so does Islamorada. Surrounded by water, everglades, alligator crossing signs, bridges and mom and pop fish shacks.

We went to walk on this boardwalk, where that song, KOKOMO by Beach Boys was sung about. We saw the original, very first Tiki bar in the USA. It is where the rum runner drink was invented. Plastic sharks hanging, like they have been caught or something, everywhere and tourists. I saw a woman selling braids in your hair and henna. I saw water so limpid, on the docks, you could see seaweed.

We went to a buffet. Horse ate a million oysters, raw with sauce and I ate fruit garnishes.

 I was happy. For real and for once.

 On the drive home we blasted Korn, Disturbed and The Cure live in Holland 1980 concert

This is from the concert itself:

.

Heroes tv show:

He slept next to me after watching HEROES taped episode. We woke up in each others arms. Very nice. He left this morning to volunteer setting up for a Nascar race he is working next weekend at the Homestead track.

 I scanned photos of him and his cousin from when they went skiing in Colorado, last weekend. Very handsome men, both of them. He brought me a cup with horses on it that says Colorado on it.

When ever people talk about Horse they call him handsome. I notice. We are all concerned about looking good, some more than others.  Avoid looking bad and look good. That’s what we all do and are puppets. Sometimes when he isn’t handsome , like in a bad moment, I like him more. Take it down a notch I say. Sometimes. Being good looking is a little specious sometimes.

This morning my mom picked me up. She buys empty lots , builds houses and sells them. I took photos of her house she is selling now. It’s very nice. I was surpised. The kitchen was totally her touch. I liked the glass doors. I felt really proud of her.

I like my mom. We really bonded more than we ever did in our lives. She told me things and so did I, about our other’s lives. She told me my dad did not show up for their wedding, until really late and she said to herself she would get him back for that, on her wedding day! Also how my dad would not let anyone touch me unless they had a medical exam, after I was born. She had to show me, to relatives through glass doors. I told her that once when I was in first grade all the kids on the schoolbus spat in my hair. She told me when she was little , like 13 years old, she cut off all her hair and sold it just to make her mom happy ,with some money.

300

Ok I know I am keeping just a food diary, I made a promise, but I am having a breakdown now, that is all. I do want to keep my life to me. Sometimes I have food breakdowns too. I want to be a fruitarian 100% with all my heart. It’s the salt cravings and salad dressings that get me.

I went to see the movie 300

with my Assistant District Attorney friend E. I have not seen him in years, after I blew him off February 2005, when he bought me Opera tickets to Barber of Seville. I blew him off . I feel so awful because his dad was so nice to me, bought me an antique rosary and I felt, really, like I disappointed two people back then. E told me he still has bracelets he got me for me from the British museum of London.

He is thirty something, blonde and speaks fast. With his Scottish Rugby shirt and L.L. Bean sneakers. He was blasting THE JAM , this “mod” band from the late 70’s, from the car.

I was also very honest with E about things, my life and being really self expressed. I told him things as they really were, when he asked me questions, instead of hiding behind a mask. You know what? It was no big deal.  He didn’t run away screaming!

He is very intelligent and we share alot of geekiness. We are both art and history nerds.

The movie was very awesome. Gorey and bloody. I loved it.

He invited me to a party a girlfriend of his was throwing. I was really impressed by his friends. They were all so young. I felt his girlfriend’s eyes burning into me all night, but his other girlfriends were open and friendly.

We were outside, all sitting in chairs. I listened to two of them speak about playing with Yo-Yo Ma at Carnegie Hall two weeks ago. Wow what a nice thing. How they made snowballs in Central Park.

 I listened to E speak about his trip to Barcelona and Greece he is taking soon with his sister.

People were listening to Johnny Cash and drinking beers talking about it and I got sad. Then they changed the music to some peppy stuff and I was happy.

I was very social, but not just fake social but I was REALLY the real me. Instead of just listening, to conversations, I included my own stories and I was forthcoming with things to say.
I felt really accepted by everyone and I felt good. It has been so long I have been around people I am myself with.

I saw friends being friends and people hugging each other when they walked into the party. It was nice.

I ate today

Guacamole
2 sapodillas
guacamole
juice of 5 apples, cucumber, ginger/basil
sapodillas
grapes, watermelon chunks
guacamole

Ok I know I am keeping

Possibility of being rich

What is my “story” about money?

That I have to  degrade myself to make it. You have to SELL OUT to get the goodies! That I was never good enough for it, that I never got it, that my dad was greedy about it. Money makes you greedy, and everybody hates you when you have it. It affords you bad things, it’s spent so easily. It is dangerous. People will steal your money. It’s earned the wrong way. It’s something people do not want to share. People trick each other for it. You have to hide it. Corrupt people and drug dealers have money. My dad has money and he is “cold”. He is a miser. Even he is afraid of it. Rich people are afraid of their money and are greedy. It’s laughing at me. I suffer to make it. dad won’t gibe it to me because I am bad, I am awful, I am wrong!

My first, ever,  memory of MONEY is once as a 7 year old girl I recieved a gift or something. I had ten dollars. More than I ever had in my entire life.   I ran to the corner store and bought 9.99 worth of scratch and sniff stickers IMMEDIATELY. I ran home and showed my parents. My dad said HOW COULD YOU, HOW COULD ..You go and spend all of that money like that?something I didn’t expect, angry sounding to me, like,  shaming me for spending it, I interpreted it as he was disappointed in me. I interpreted it as he does not love me, I am bad.. I was really low, unloved and sad. I wound up the next day on the school bus, giving all those stickers away.  I got a quick fleeting rush of happiness. There it was all gone. I WAS LOVED! People liked me!! There began my relationship to money. I have not figured this out yet. I think  I felt to hide my unlovableness I became giving. That made up for it.

I see that every time I have had money. My grandparents spent my lifetime saving, for my trust fund and at 18 I spend it in 3 months! I used to blow all my paycheck on cooking gourmet meals for my boyfriend and his mother. I used to, I used to I used to the list goes on.

but you can tell from reading my journal,  best restaurants , birthday gifts, sending my mom to Landmark, buying anybody I know Landmark tuition, all those trips to Switzerland, London, france, Iceland.. and paying for people’s trips and paying for things, expensive expensive gifts..it all goes back to the school bus. it’s all to hide my unloveableness from wasting my money on ten dollar stickers.

That is my story of money.  I made it up believing it as truth. I MADE IT UP. I invented it and found proof all my life that I was correct. IT’S JUST A STORY. It is not real!

I would like a clearing from that, nothingness where I can create what I want next from it. I would like the possibilty of a new relationship to money.

11 am cold Gazpacho
2:30 pm Orange juice
3pm cold Gazpacho
4pm Banana
6pm  Banana, peach and dates  smoothie    

           Tonight I have company and we are making homeade guacamole and finishing my cold gazpacho. I will probably juice all my apples with some ginger…to drink it.
Goodnight.

I am done with being a quiet,

distant, arrogant, taciturn and rude

woman. I am going to get out in the

world more and express myself. Let

people in. I am going to be happy,

courageous and honest. I want to be

in the present, in the future. In the

possibility.

Today new day and the leaves have fallen

I can totally descry so much honor inside me. It’s there, it is. I would like to live like that. I would like to treat myself and friends with honor.

I got Suvine.com. yay.  My diary is important, it is a place I can say what I want in my life.

Nightsnack- Sapodilla that fell on my mom’s car
11 am- Tangerine juice squeezed
1pm- smoothie bananas, dates,ginger, organic strawberries with leaves, a few greens. Breakdown.
4pm- Cubed mango, avocado and banana plate
530pm- smoothie of banana, dates, rhubarb, and strawberries.
820pm- banana
10pm GAZPACHO a huge bowl of it I made

I just waxed my face and eyebrows, trying to blantantly deny my monkey nature. Watch this: http://www.neave.tv/#dance_monkeys

Today

I want to be happy, financially secure, wealthy and loving. I want integrity .

I ate today ( I was starving, I was very busy)

11am Smoothies with banana, dates, rhubarb and peeled tangerines

1pm Orange juice

6pm a few sips of soy milk chai tea,  I had a breakdown. Maybe one eighth of a cup.

11pm fresh tomato salsa, a sapodilla

and I will finish the night off with banana and date smoothie and some chopped tomatoes with a little salt. Oh It’s lent. I told myself I would give up salt!

 I need to order some more fresh medjools.

Coterminous

We are all coterminously trapped in our boxes together and there is no hope. I do not want to write to toasters, am I writing to toasters or to humans? Who is out there reading my journal?

Something someone told me, is that the solution to your problem is the next problem. that was funny.

So my new problem is going to be saving the animals of the world from man’s cruelty. HMMM

I accept everything, I try not to cogitate too much about anything at all, because it’s all the fruitariangirl machine thinking.  It’s not me. Me is me now here. The machine does not like me or even care about what makes me happy.. it just survives. I would rather be nonplussed and vacant. I do not want to listen to the voices in my head, “right, wrong? good, bad? Should I ? shouldn’t I? Agree? Disagree? “. Judging, decided, choosing, all for me. I want to ignore it.

This diary may just be that, voices in my head that never ever stop ..blah blah blah and opinion about everything, I need to STOP.ITS NOT ME.

Trepidation and Fear never go away. It takes courage to do anything. I do not wake up with courage, I need to muster it.

I am effete, empty and hollow in spirit, that is me. I feel dead. Why I write in this journal is beyond me anymore. See I am a snob. Friends say it is a waste of time. Do I agree or not? Right? Wrong? Should I? blah blah, who cares, I am me. I know I do need to confide in REAL people and not the entire world who googles fruitarian . I do, I am going to make a commitment to finding an alternative in real life to being the real me. Or not. But I want to create something else for me, a real friend I can talk to.

I am not perfect and far from happy and on the beach. I am me. and this is what is. I am lucky that I am here and I am grateful I have wonderful people in my life. I do. Nothing means anything. We just are. We are all here floating thru our own minds and nothing I say has any impact or importance except for what you selfishly need. Selfish is good.

Ok, I am always wanting to write down what I ate I started this journal as a FOOD DIARY. I need to take it down a notch.

Guess what? I am collegial. For 5 weeks now. School is very very fun and new. I am going to be a graphic designer in four years. I have Art History class that kicks ass. I am in Italian art this week. I want to be the best. I am committed to it. Indefatigable about my reading.

Speaking of that I have to do what I say I am going to do in everything. I want to know I can trust myself and what I say.

I want to live with myself and be who I am. I am who I am. Ugly , beautiful, nasty, liar, fake, dirty, bad, lovely, shameless and pure and hot, then NOT.

This is going to be a food diary from now on. I am focusing on that next.

My friend Jill sent me these in email. all fruit

ME

I am sitting here on my bed back from Fort Lauderdale. I feel ok. I need to commit myself to eating fruit again. I had a salad with tomatoes, bell peppers, etc once a day for 3 days and it made me very sick. I was in ( excuses excuses I just did it). I bloated a little bit too.

 I want to just be myself and loved for who I am, a ruined and faulty woman.

I want to live with integrity and that means that I have to be true to my word. I would like to realte and be honest, live truth and express myself fully.

I will never do that again and treat people and their word and commitments with respect.

I love you MBh and I have been a nightmare girlfriend to you. I have been a disaster. I am one. I am a nightmare. I have punished you for having the view of me I wanted you to have. Over and over again. I have been being so bad to you , always. have been needy and paranoid and really undeserving.

I am not saying I am changing, I am not going to change,  never am..I am just going to not do certain things anymore.

I am going to respect myself from now on. I am going to have relationships and encounters with honesty and integrity. I live with myself. I am the one who has to look in the mirror.

I want to be good on my word and I want to live honestly and truly me. I want to be powerful and say what it going on and also I am done with complaints and blaming of other people. My ex boyfriends were not the evil ones, newsflash.

This is to the world: I am sorry. I am a bad person. I have presented myself as having it together. I do not have anything together.

This has nothing to do with fruit. I just ate salads three days, this is about my life.

 I have spent my life hiding the fact that ” I am hated”. My dad spanked me once pretty brutally from my mind,  and I interpreted that as he hated me and I was wrong, BAD, hated, unloved..and to make up for it I tried to be like the women in porn he seemed to love ( he kept a collection I found secretly) I interpreted he didn’t like my mom either except because she was submissive  woman.. I hated how he liked her and not me. I made it up that I need to be promiscous , literally like a porn star, to be good for a man. I made it up , that that is what I need to be to cover the fact that I “am hated”.

I have made my dad wrong and the bad guy for a million years for spanking me that once. At the time, I took punishment and turned around, and said ” It DIDN”T HURT!” and got beaten again with a hanger. I resolved I would never ever let him get to me. I also became quite the cold missy to hide my hurt, becoming dead to emotions in my real life and quite unforgiving to people. Becoming INDEPENDANT so I would never have to deal with that episode in my life again.

I have found so much PROOF, during my childhood,  that I was “right” and he hated me. I was the nastiest daughter anyone could have. I was so evil..and I believed that I was an angel and he was the monster. I have been being an animal with no manners, to him, treating him arrogantly and always wrong. All because I  made up he hated me. I was being the omen girl child. A nightmare in school, punishing him for “hating me”

This I have carried with me in every relationship. I am letting go. I wrote my dad about this. Meanwhile I was completely blind to all the wonderful things he has done for me.

I have spent my life covering up that I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH…once in fourth grade I admitting to wearing a dress from K mart to a girl, who asked where I got my dress, and the whole class of girls, gossipped and laughed at me, that I was poor and I never fully recovered from the humiliation.. I took that as I DO NOT BELONG and to make up for it I BECAME “DIFFERENT”. I am controlled by this fear of not fitting in, to this day. When I make myself different.

I am the one who did this to me. Only me , I made this up. I made it up that I have to hide, for the rest of my life,  that I was NOT GOOD ENOUGH and I DID NOT BELONG..I could have a million dollars and I will still feel fundamentally POOR because I made up in fourth grade that I am not good enough.

Also the fact that my parents locked me out when I was not coming home anymore,  in high school and I went and sat on a bench until a man found me and decided I AM ON MY OWN and to make up for that, I started my life long dependance/need of BOYFRIENDS. Knights in shining armor to protect me from my “EVIL” dad. I made all this up.

I am going to LIVE IN REALITY. I am going to have relationships, even sexual,  that have integrity in them.

 Thank god I have some people who love me for the real awful me. Who love me for me and not some PR bullshit.

 I commit myself to being a fruitarian and also to be honest. 

I should be telling the truth. about who I am, to the people I love, not a diary. I am thinking of maybe not writing in my diary for a long time, maybe forever. I mean I can be honest with people when I get over my fear of them.

I should be sharing this with a person, a real one, and not the world. But if I can’t be honest I can’t be honest and if I can I can. I want to. I want to be a part of society. I want to love myself for the REAL ME. A diary is not a replacement for a lover. One day I might even delete all this and noone would ever know anything about me. Maybe when I get married.

I also want to help animals and have bigger problems than I do now. But I want to create so much, I do, I want to create many things and be love.

My tummy hurts. I need to do a watermelon or guarapo fast. MMM

I did a fear exercise in Ft Lauderdale, and in the darkness I saw knives stabbing me, hands punching me and beating me up. I felt disgusting, anorexia digestion issues and also I saw my worst fear ever. A fourth grade boy I used to like. Can you believe that that has been my worst fear ever, even as a grown woman? I got all over those fears. In fact, he is probably more scared of me than I am of him.. That is the cosmic joke.

Continuum and the sun

My view , earlier this afternoon,from the sun bathing chair:

That is Southernmost point of South Beach those two are coming from.

Hammocks to sleep in. I was just going to sleep in them but some Mexican worker came and started putting chips around the palm.

I went to South Beach today. I started at Lincoln rd and walked down Ocean drive.

 MbHorse came  all the way from his work to let me into Continuum, this condo building. He owns part of a condo there. He let me in so I can use the pool and the hot tub. I listened to Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, on my ipod nano, and got a really nice tan. I sat in the hot tub when I got cold and fell asleep with my head on the pavement, like a little girl falls asleep anywhere.

I was glad because there are a lot of students on the beach walking back and forth and no privacy really. So I got some privacy in there and I left when the sun went behind the building

I had watermelon juice, coconut mylk from a special press and an avocado. Banana and date smoothies next.

MBHorse is going on a skiing trip tomorrow and I will miss him. I love him very much. I love him too much I always want to be with him. I wish I could give him all my love no matter what and be happy, but I need him to be physically here for me. I need more time with him and I would like to always be seen with him. I need human touch and I need human love.

Love

My dad wrote me, he is building a school in Honduras. He loves that volunteer stuff in third world countries, .. I hope he finds happiness, I send him love. I am proud of him. There was an atricle about him in a financial newspaper, recently.

 I am pretty into ATLAS SHRUGGED. I am that, I am an objectivist. Am I selfish? YES. I want to be. I want to make money and that’s all. Life should be like that, capitalist. I want to be the best. I want to do it with truth and integrity. I want to nurture my own talent and I want to work hard. I want to know exactly what I want.

Tonight my energies are outward. I send out love, to life, and life starts right outside my front chest, so I send love to life which is everywhere and everything. I LOVE ALL OF LIFE, which is everything outside of me..or is everything me?

 I read in this pdf  Mbhorse sent me that: Positive vibrations create positive results and bad vibrations, bad circumstances.

I am a very powerful girl and I need to always have contol of the energy I put out and keep it flowing GOOD and positive, no matter what .

I finally know where MBH lives. After 5 years. I found his house on bike by accident, but really, he psychically wanted me to find it. I recognized the street from when there was a hurricane once, and he told me he was going to check on his house, but then acted weird and said he never said that, but I noticed him checking out a house, driving wildly,  and I took note. It opened a door for me, it was energy released from the caves of my heart. Things are different now. There is peace. I am peace. I sent his house love and talked to it. I sensed it was confused. Now I have a positive connection to it.  I wish it well.

Today to eat:

Orange juice

Dehydrated at 100 degrees,  U-pick tomatoes

Watermelon juice

date syrup mixed with chopped bananas

Smoothie mug sized of bluberries, avocado, dates, banana

Later I will have Thai coconut smoothies

/

Ok I can’t stop watching Kate Moss youtube videos

Bday

I had stuff like Avocado mousse , blended tomato soup and Micro Greens salad, and a raw Lime Sorbet floating in Strawberry coulis and berries I never seen before, at this “Nouvelle Cuisine” restaurant called Palme D’or in Coral Gables.  It’s on my street, where I live.

MBHorse would get mad at me if I called it “French”. The couple next to our table, some girl , animated by wine, complained about the cruelty of Foie Gras to the manager, good for her.

It was a special occasion. I took MbHorse out to dinner for his Birthday.He got 6 plates…I saw a plate with stuff baked inside four Conchs, soups and dishes two people assembled at the table , one to pour the soup, bread, silverware, and dishes of Meat, seafood and lobster. Everything was art and exciting.

 Our Waiter was Bertrand, a French man who kept the Pellegrino pouring. He said I drank like a fish. We sat under a photograph of an Italian actor getting mobbed for photographs at Cannes. Our view from our table was these windows before this walkway next to a outdoor pool, behind white classic greek sculptures, where well dressed couples every now and then walked by.

For dessert there were chocolates and It took everything not to touch them. I didn’t.

We had an interesting discussion of Byzantine Art and how stupid, the idea that some religions accuse Catholics of “worshipping graven images”. Also how very important religious art is; In every religion, current and dead, it’s a legacy for humanity.

I forgot the name of a painting I wanted to talk to him about, I remember it now. It’s this famous painting called the Vladimir Virgin.

 

I mean, LOOK at it. Like Mona Lisa, it is intense.

I got him $1,000 dollars in clothes, like Burberry swim trunks, Armani long sleeve shirt, Ralph Lauren Suit Shirt,  tshirt, and sweat pants. Also a cd of the Miami opera season songs, he has tickets to all of them this year, and some photos of himself, I took over years.

We watched THE PRESTIGE at home in bed.

I have a whole kitchen filled with fruit. I opened 2 thai coconuts last night and blended them with their milk.

For breakfast I am craving smoothies. Watermelon juice is on the menu too.

I FORGOT ABOUT LENT!!! My goodness, until April 8th I need to give up something.. Ok, I Give up salt or Bragg’s on my tomatoes/avocados , also no greens. No chocolate nibs or cacao in anything. No spices like cinnamon or vanilla in smoothies, No tea. I give up everything that is not simple fruit until April 8th.

That is the way it should be for me all the time. But for Lent its really important to be pure.

Chocolat

I broke my fruitarian diet today. It’s ok, people make mistakes. I am not perfect. I have a weakness for strong CACAO, or CHOCOLATE. That is my one cheat food, if any.

Didn’t Model turned Raw foodist, Carol Alt,  say you are allowed one cheat food? Her cheat food is popcorn. Why?  Who knows! See I am making excuses. No, I do not want to eat cacao. It’s just this one night. Not feeling too well now.

Not just any chocolate. I went to a VIP party tonight, all these people who donate thousands, (some donate millions!) for an excellent cause, had a Chocolate Party, with chocolate martini’s and everything,  and this guy who wrote this book, (he was mean to me, don’t buy his book)

was there speaking for like 40 minutes.People seemed really restless.

 I wore a white dress with ballet slipper type shoes.

There was also a photographer of all things cacao and it was an interesting exhibit. Just beans and Trees . This one was on display:

The exquisite party was  Cacao restaurant, a restaurant in Coral Gables. Don’t get too excited , their food is not made all with Cacao. Hardly any. Not fruitarian friendly either:

http://www.cacaorestaurant.com/

 One of the Chefs , liked me alot,  and let me take home all this exquisite dark chocolate, I knew it was bad, but I could not help myself. Am I forgiven? Chocolate is kind of a fruit. A seed? I had maybe 12 pieces. I have a purse FULL of it, wrapped surreptiously in foil. What should I do?

 Anyways I found a way to get my mom within the ambit. I called her and got her in , and I made a plate for her of all these Argentinian churrasco empanadas and , weird appetizers of chicken stacks and two different ceviches . One Salmon and one Corvina topped with guacamole . Gross , for a vegan like me, I know, but she likes that fancy gourmet stuff. I am done trying to convert everyone to raw vegan, let them eat meat who cares, I don’t..Meat eaters and fruitarians share the same earth.  ( Carol Alt eats raw meat she would have loved those ceviches)

Then in the backyard we all watched, in first row, under a full moon the movie, CHOCOLAT

I was out of my mind, excited and high on cacao. Sending dirty im’s to MBhorse. I am a total profligate on that stuff.

 We laughed so hard at the movie. I was so INSIDE that movie and when Juliette Binoche kissed Johnny Depp, I was too.

We left and then went to a festival in Coral Gables,  and then later, I watched her eat a steak while I had some tomatoes at a fancy Gables restaurant where everyone spoke Spanish ..and now she is passed out on my couch. OOOO MY TUMMY!!!

Other than chocolate all I had to eat was Fresh squeezed Orange Juice , Banana date smoothies, and Cantaloupe slices

I need to make a decision. I cannot eat cacao anymore. I need to stop. I believe in fruitarianism. I do. I trust in fruit. I am not perfect though, like everyone else. Rejean Durette, the fruitarian, says when moving, traveling or under stress he will have vegan food, but when settled and at home, just fruit. In a way, today,  I am moving, I guess. I make excuses don’t I?

Dinner at Sublime

I was thinking of SAPODILLAS, not Sapotes, in my last entry, I am sorry!

Raw Tomato Carpaccio

Marinated Cucmbers and avocado slices

/

Mbh just left me on the bed, with only my top jammys on, lying among new clean sheets in the darkness in such bliss. Being with him is like being with lightning of love. He is so beautiful. I was so happy today. I made him a thai coconut and cherry smoothie and a passionfruit, date, banana, and cherry smoothie . We watched LOST, the dumbest episode  ever, but it was a happy one. We went to Sublime, a vegetarian animal rights restaurant. Paul MCCartney has been there so has Pam Anderson and much more. We drove to Dania Beach and Fort Lauderdale. Such good energy. Peace. comfort.

/

I learn best by Visual learning style. That means I learn by seeing things in my mind the best.

 Some people learn by hearing, feeling, hands on..

The Seven intelligences which are: Visual/Spatial, Verbal/ Linguistic, Musical/Rhythm, Logic/Math, Body /Kinesthetic “sports” /Interpersonal ” people smart”/Intrapersonal ” self smart” or Naturalistic “nature, environment”.

 I am really good at VISUAL/SPATIAL, VERBAL LINGUISTIC and NATURALISTIC, in that order.  That means I think in pictures, love to create images, am word smart, communicate well thru language.
 ( uh , all this is duh.. I know alll this.) I also I scored well in my interest in the environment and can recognize flowers , clouds and I like hiking.

So all this means is I need to find work/majors in these areas. Also, it means that when studying, I need to recite aloud, join study groups,use charts, drawings, visualize and also be outside as much as possible .

Personality type. I could be either extroverted/introverted, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling or Judging/perceiving.

Out of each combination, of what you have chosen,  there is a unique personality type.

I am Extroverted, meaning I live in the outside world, draw strength from others, am outgoing, love interaction and being the center of attention. ( I thought I wasn’t,  but with friends I am always talking, preaching and blabbing about everything and I keep a public diary and always want to be loved the most, and be the best, and I want to bring out the best on others and also supoort them to be incredible)

I am Intuitive meaning I see possibilities and rely on gut feelings and am innovative.
(I read into things alot )

I am Feeling meaning I make decisions on what is just and right. I like to live in harmony and peace.  I value others opinions, into people being happy and very tactful. (That’s me. I am this. I feel that what is, and comes natural, is right and what feels good is a sign I am on the right track. When others are happy I am. I like to spoil people.)

I am a Judger,  I am orderly and need structure in my life. Good at goal setting and sticking to it. I work before I play. ( I am always on time, always finished my work, my task, what I need done I do, I love taking orders)

So I take that combination and look it up and I am ENJF:
” Very concerned about others feelings, I respect others, I am good leader, usually I am popular, good at public speaking, but can make decsions too quickly and I trust too easily.”

/
 I bought MBH a Green Star 2000 and I am so proud of him, making all this cabbage juice, spinach, carrots etc..It makes me HAPPY!! He will be healthier and hotter because the blood will flow back in his skin, he will feel more alive and have more energy to be the best lawyer in the courtroom, always. Because he is the best lawyer and he is very exclusive and the richest and most important people trust him with all their secrets. I know I do.

//

Midnight snack- dehydrating pineapple rings
11- smoothie with dates, cherries, avocado, banana. I bought this big giant gulper jug with lid, from Jamba juice and it always fits all my smoothie I make.

/
I got a phone call from someone I took the Landmark forum with a long time ago, Years! We did an exercise together there, where we stared into each others eyes for about 30 minutes solid.  He acted like he didn’t even notice me but when he called me, he confessed he always thought I was pretty and too afraid to speak to me. Now he wants a friendship. He is spending a year in Iraq and then coming to Florida to become a lawyer with his GI bill. It was unnerving and I called MBH right away. I was a little flattered. I do not know what to make of it.

If MBH has girls that flirt with him or come on to him, I would like him to do what is natural. I would like him to tell me , because I will feel included and secure, not excluded and paranoid. Plus the sooner/more I accept it, ( hard at first) the easier it will be knowing he can see others if need be. That takes time and practice.

I know he loves me the most and will want to be with me more. Always. At first I might have hard time, but getting used to his honesty and freedom is something , a gift.

 Plus honesty, not for the other person, but for you, is such a blessing to be able to speak what is TRUTH.. it frees you, from all bad thoughts in the future. One day  everything will change …

All I got to be, is nice all the time, and he will never leave me. As long as its good between us, he will always be here. I think that is true for most women. We don’t know how important and valuable we actually are. There is a prize in each of us. We are wanted and loved, maybe in secret.

/

We hung around a club that CRADLE OF FILTH was playing at, we saw some pretty cool tattoos and vampires. Mbh was surreptitiously photographing kids with my camera. Everyone thought he works for a magazine. 

LOOK, it’s Lestat:

this guy is a CUTTER, LOOK!

Look at this tattoo, its a heart with a crown of thorns that is flying with bat wings all bloody

red road

My mom brought me sapodillas from her back yard. She said 12 of them fell on the ground, all ripe. Sapodillas are sooo good. One of my favorites. In Jamacia they are called nespir fruit. OH! She brought me U pick tomatoes once, oh they were RED, like blood and so delicious. I need some more!!

“Sapodillas are like a cross between a kiwi and mamey”- MB HORSE said that.

Today I rode by the Biltmore hotel, and there were hundred or so University of Miami Students all sitting peacefully, drawing it, across the street on the grass. They were using both black and white charcoal on grey paper, separately. Pretty nice stuff. Even the bad stuff was Good. I know this is something all the students would be proud of, because when you first attempt to draw the Biltmore it’s intimidating, it’s so large. But once you get to work and sketch it out and fill in details, it’s a very impressive drawing. On my way back home the students were doing show and tell in groups. HOW NICE!

Oh these wild berries are out in everyone’s lawn, all ripe and ready to eat. I stop all the time and pig out and try not to get red juice all over my white pants. Sometimes I am hungry for them and see people talking and have to wait until they leave. I forget what they are called. RED JUICY WILDBERRIES.

Right now I chopped with my chopper, dices of cucumbers and tomatoes, and pineapple and mixed it with raw guacamole. earlier I ate grapes and fresh Squeezed orange juice. I made Watermelon juice this morning and gave some to my pets. They are so beautiful and reach for me to scratch them, just like a cat does. They love greens and coconut which I have now..

I got locked out of my apartment today. When I got back MBHORSE, in a nice suit,  and my landlord were trying to get in. The landlord’s key did not work. I was impressed. MBHORSE fixed the situation, as he always does. He had to run back to his busy work. New lock is in order.

//
I watched a movie, based on true story, about lesbian sisters in the thirties, yes sisters who would make out passionately, who worked as maids for this stuck up rich girl and her mom, odd little couple who sat around doing nothing. The rich girl found out and started flirting with the little sister and the big sister would get jealous. Then flashbacks of catholic school where all the girls would have crushes on the nuns, and have affairs with them. It’s not a porno, I swear, but a British serious drama film. A chick flick. With an evil stepmother type of lady who owns the house. It’s called “Sister My Sister”

I was riding my bike on Bird road. All of a sudden I see this waterway and these huge antique looking towers. So beautiful. I loved looking at it. Peaceful. Tropical trees everywhere among coconuts and palms. Wiry palms and royal palms. Ibises and chipmunks running around.

I also have had smoothies with a passionfruit MBh  got me. Yum, bananas, passion fruit, cherries, avocado and dates. Many times all day I drank this.

Hilton

I always see fruitarian sites saying fruitarians eat fruit because they do not want to kill green plants or something, how stupid. That’s not me. I eat greens sometimes.

My flight out of Washington DC got cancelled, there was so much snow. Snow that was soft and covered everything. So I am at the Hilton until 4 am. 500 $ dollar room for only 98$ because I am a Hilton Honors member. But hey that’s not fair ! I never asked for my hotel voucher at the airport, but I am happy anyways, good deal.. The Hilton is sweet , I am paying for Paris to look beautiful.

I bought MBHORSE a 150$ dollar pair of sweat shorts and a 100$ dollar  tshirt at Barney’s of New York in Georgetown. wow, they were nice. But I got mad at him and returned it, exchanged for a dress. I bought 3 actually. Dresses that are knee length. and stylish.

I am watching the Oscars .

Going back to Miami…

from yesterday

9am-Orange Juice , and apple juice

with a wheatgrass shot in it , from

Juice Zone on Pennsylvania Avenue,

Washington DC.

12pm banana and date

2pm – 2 chopped tomatoes

4pm- banana, orange

6pm-orange

8pm- I went to an Indian Restaurant

called Adhi in Georgetown. There

was a big business dinner there. I

heard everyone talk politics over

wine. I just ordered a fruitarian

friendly salad caled Kachumber. I

ordered pickled lemon peel, out of

curiosity, and also mango chutney . I

ordered cardamon tea, I did not

drink. Was not happy. I do not know

why I eat at restaurants . Only special

romantic occasions I should.

I went to Dean and Deluca across

the street and got the rest of their

avocado and tomato salad at the

deli. I should have just eaten that for

dinner.

There is no ” Dinner ” for me

anymore. Dinner is every time for

me. Dinner used to be a big meal

until I fell asleep thing. All my food,

everything is light…and I eat small

amounts all day and night.
Today is very productive day. I go

home Sunday morning. I may have

time to go see museums, like the

National Gallery.  I love

Georgetown. M street is so much

fun!

I got a really nice email from my

friend who lives and works here,

Here is a piece:Stuck in NY, so it

will be a quick “fly by” in dc to

change and repack
for Singapore. I just wanted to thank

you for a most wonderful evening on
Tuesday. As I said, I’ll never be able

to say which is the best time we’ve

had
together, except perhaps whichever

one is the most recent, as I find it

imposible
to “compare” something so precious

as time together. But I can say with

the
utmost confidence that you are the

BEST girlfriend I have ever had or

could
ever imagine. I feel happiness and

attraction with you as with no other.

Among
all your wonderful qualities, I think

your boundless curiosity and

relentless
search for truth and beauty and the

deeper “meaning” of all things is

your most
wonderful quality. You REALLY

rock my soul!

/

Someone told me the Tomato was

called the WOLF PEACH once, and

everyone thought it was poisonous

until one guy in Philadelphia stood

up in the market in the center of

town and ate one in front of the

crowd of people. After that it

became very popular and the

English began calling it a tomato.

I WANT DURIAN!!!

9 am chopped Sharon fruit, banana,

date, avocado

10 am, same as above, with

blueberries and orange juice

squeezed over it.

12 pm half cantaloupe

2pm chopped tomato, bell pepper ,

avocado

3pm dates and bananas

4pm tomatoes, orange bell pepper slices

7pm chopped tomato, yellow bell pepper half

8pm Tomatoes

10 pm Half cantaloupe

I am a logodaedalian.  I love words and sly clever sayings. You can also say, I am a logophile. I am bored with the vernacular .

I love you dearly. Forever.

I like to say that, it’s so beautiful. I only think of one person when I say or write it. And I feel the energy behind the words. It’s like shooting into time and space into that which I cherish.

When you have sex, are you having sex with sex ? Are you having sex with the body parts or the person?

Sex with body parts is new to me. I discovered it with MBH once.

I am a fantasy to others. I am. I never had a clue.

 It’s the same for everyone, I am not saying I am special..I mean, I am special, but my point is that when people meet each other, they have fantasies about the other. Big ones and little ones. Fantasies of what they want and expect..and if two of you have rapport, you can almost guess what their fantasy of you is. 

Look into other’s eyes and watch the movie of how they see you.

Froggy Bottom

“The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves” –Sophocles

You could also say the greatest JOYS we cause, are those we cause ourselves!!

I am watching LOST episodes on Abc.com. You can watch all the current episodes there, and I love the show.

I had to eat today:

10 am large grapefruit

1:30 pm plate of yummy chopped avocado, medjool date and banana,mmm

3 pm an orange

430 pm banana, a chopped tomato

5 pm 2 chopped tomatoes

7pm Chilled chopped salad of Strawberries, bananas and blueberries with orange squeezed over it mm

8:56 pm chopped plate of avocado, dates, plum and banana

10pm – a banana and date , eaten together

I am the best. I am. I believe in myself.

To me “God” is THE BEST OF THE BEST. And what would the best of the best look like and what is it?
 I believe in Altruism. The Hoi Polloi can do what they like, I am different.

I want to inspire and live a life that is special. Be love, be great, be successful. I want to reach the apogee of all things great, and of the noblest feelings.

I am listening to the sonorous voice of Maria Callas in VERDI. Some nights I sleep naps to Opera and wake up, out of it in feeling of great love.

I am too busy working to write. Learning too. I am trying to manage my time better and keep a calendar, write goals, be organized, and set side time for play as well.

Foggy Bottom

Got taken out to Nirvana, a vegan restaurant in Washington DC.

I had Mango chutney and a salad of grapes, tomatoes, cucumbers etc..and Pellegrino.

 I went with my brilliant Washington DC lawyer friend. I have not seen him in months.

 I am in Foggy Bottom. 19th century Washington DC. Been here for days and going home soon. I am where all the students are, GWU and Georgetown U is five blocks.

He is so smart. We talked for 5 hours. He brought me hyacinths, lilies, and all these beautiful flowers.

He is the one I went to The Kennedy center with to see Madame Butterfly with a few months back.
He told me about all his cases. He said they are making a movie about his project now, about the link between vaccines and autism.  “Evidence of truth” .We talked about many things. He told me he met Princess Diana and also Boris Yeltsin in the 80’s. He said he took Yeltsin to a supermarket and the Russians think that that is “capitalist lie”, about supermarkets, something we take for granted. He he told him to pick any city and they would drive and he would show them a supermarket. The Russians FLIPPED out when they saw it. He said becasue in Russia all supermarket shelves are empty by 3pm, daily, and have very few things.

He spoke about these projects in Washington.

Also HE MET AYN RAND!!! My heroine. He told me many faults of libertarians though. He said there is no room for the poor in Ayn Rand’s world. I love her. So many people do too, he says her writings are not admitted politically really..

Everything was political. Every subject I talked about he brought up really important Washington DC cases, laws and studies. I followed all the converstaion thru, and caught everything.

He complimented me so much, he is positive about everything, like me.

Now he just got hired to prove this scientist in NYC lied about “something” in a gene to get fundmoney.. and if he proves it is indeed a  lie to get money, all this other current research work will be bogus, because scientists build on other’s research.

He brought me bags of fruit.

I see him as a loyal lifetime friend. Nothing more. MBHorse mentioned, in a phone call,  he might be my soul mate, ( out of jealousy? as a joke?) I thought about it during Dinner. No. Mbh is my soul mate. I love My Beautiful Horse more than anybody alive. This guy is just my loyal friend.

He has such good qualities. He is so noble. He believes men can be monogamous and it’s a lie put out there, to control women, that men need to be promiscuos. He thinks men can be happy with one woman, and it takes a lifetime to figure things out with one woman and how can you do that if you are promiscuos. He said promiscuos men are unhappy men.

I was so impressed. I was. His honesty.

I admire him, and hope to be just friends for a long time.
He has read all this big brain books, is a fountain of knowledge, went to school forever..

Also, He was Monica Lewinsky’s second lawyer during Clinton scandal..he points out some things I never saw about that case too.

Plus, when I told him raw food babies were being taken away from people, his ears lit up and he told me stories defending laws about that kind of stuff and gave me such good info ..about what he believes in..also about more cases he has worked on, not with vegans or vegetarians, but family law..

He is the only person who has really stirred my brain in a long time. He is my level of intelligence. Where I want to be. I want to be a genius.

He also worked with laws  about dolphins..that was the last time we met. Such facts I learn, that get me so inspired and happy.

I wish him success. Maybe I can turn him on to raw vegan family rights.

He also let me in on alot of government scams and how because of him and his team , alot of scientific places that BAN any discussion against vaccines, now are required to discuss them, and all the lawyers are fighting on both sides.

Science is not science when they ban certain topics and ban reports, and research. It becomes political.

He told me alot about the government..we discusses more Ayn Rand

Also he told me of his friend who did a study about to PROVE that eating meat makes children/people violent.

He said , ” It’s coming” in Washington about laws MANDATING vaccines, such as the one going on in Texas, the anti cervical cancer vaccine, he says it is VERY UNSAFE.. and he has seen the testing and the reports and cannot believe it is out there. He is rallying all these grass roots org’s for support..and getting people threatening him.

He also says that there are arguments that too many children are getting excuses to got get vaccinated, homeschooling, religious, etc and that , he threw around so many terms, I can’t remember..He said they will come down hard on that..they think the more people that do not get vaccines, the more that won’t want them..

He will be in New York tomorrow and in Singapore on the weekend.

I told him I want to go to Egypt, he told me Cairo stories.

I also had grapes and two fruit salads of dates, avocados and mangos..with blueberries on top! bananas for lunch and breakfast.

I bought a really nice white sweater. I looked gorgeous.

If anybody wants to be really inspired read THE FOUNTAINHEAD. I have not read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, but here is an excerpt that is genius. There is a huge following of her , my friend is going to tell me , from his friends, the next objective wokshop about her writings so I can go and sit in on.

The excerpt is here, it is about money:

http://jim.com/money.htm

DC is snowy, dirty snow on the ground. So many white people. Tons. I was told blacks are 85% of DC but I have not hardly seen any. All students and cute as cute can be. I fit right in with my Georgetown sweatshirt. I went to Whole foods two days ago and it was nice. I got lots of fruit. I am getting a durian delivered before I leave.

I told him my goal was to have a house in Coral Gables, he said, ” That’s easy, lots of people do that”..and he made me feel so good. He has been to two very large weddings in the Gables and says it is very nice place.